How Senior Living Leadership Has Made Me a Better Person
Staci Tripolsky • December 18, 2024
Written from the viewpoint of a Building Executive Director.
When I first accepted the role of Executive Director at our senior living community, I assumed I would bring my leadership skills, organizational experience, and passion for care to the job. What I didn’t fully anticipate was how profoundly the role would reshape me—personally and professionally. Over the years, guiding residents, families, and staff through life’s most intimate moments has taught me lessons that no classroom or corporate boardroom ever could.
Here’s how leading in assisted living has made me a better person.
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1. Cultivating Genuine Empathy
In my previous positions, I believed empathy was simply about showing compassion in difficult situations. But in senior care, empathy is a daily practice—an intentional choice to connect with another human being who may feel vulnerable, frightened, or lonely.
Sitting beside a resident whose memory is slipping away and listening to them recite cherished stories has stretched my capacity to truly feel another’s experience. When a family member confides that they’re terrified mom might forget who they are, my heart breaks for both of them. I’ve learned that empathy is not a fleeting emotion; it’s a commitment to understand without judgment, to hold space for fear or grief, and to convey unconditional respect.
This deepened empathy has spilled over into my life outside work. I find myself pausing before I speak—actively listening to friends, neighbors, or even strangers, seeking to understand their journey rather than swiftly offering solutions. Leadership here taught me that sometimes the greatest gift we can give one another is simply our undivided attention.
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2. Embracing Vulnerability and Authenticity
Early on as Executive Director, I felt pressure to present myself as unwaveringly confident—always knowledgeable, always steady. After all, I was expected to guide our entire community. But senior living is built on trust, and authentic trust requires vulnerability.
I remember the first time I admitted to a resident’s daughter, “I don’t have all the answers, but I promise we’ll find a solution together.” My voice trembled, and I braced for disappointment. Instead, she reached out, held my hand, and said, “Thank you for being honest.” In that moment, I realized authenticity—admitting what we don’t know, acknowledging our emotions—is far more powerful than any facade of infallibility.
Since then, I’ve actively fostered a culture where staff are encouraged to be honest about mistakes, to ask for help, and to share their own vulnerabilities. Watching my team support one another in turn has made me more comfortable being my true self—both at work and at home. I’ve learned that authenticity doesn’t show weakness; it forges profound connections.
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3. Redefining Success
Before working in senior care, success might have looked like hitting quarterly targets, delivering a seamless project, or earning a promotion. But here, success is measured in smiles, moments of connection, and the peace of mind we bring to families.
When Mrs. Patel, who arrived speechless after a stroke, uttered her first words on my shoulder, I realized that success wasn’t about recognition or a balanced budget—it was about human transformation. Similarly, when a staff member who had been quietly overwhelmed confided in me that they felt seen and supported, I understood that cultivating a healthy work culture was as critical as any operational metric.
These small victories—someone feeling safe enough to speak up, or a resident’s laugh echoing down the hall—have reshaped my definition of achievement. Now, I celebrate empathy, resilience, and human connection above all else.
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4. Deepening Patience
If there’s one thing seniors teach you, it’s the importance of patience. Whether it’s walking at their pace, listening as they piece together memories, or waiting as they summon the courage to join a new activity, time looks different here. There’s no rushing.
At first, I wrestled with frustration—an instinct I likely carried over from faster-paced roles. But watching a resident struggle to button a shirt and choosing to kneel beside her, offering encouragement rather than taking over, taught me to slow down. I’ve come to appreciate that patience is not merely waiting; it’s active support, respect for individual rhythms, and presence in the moment.
This patience has changed how I approach challenges outside work. In family conversations, I’m more mindful of letting loved ones express themselves fully. In everyday errands, I remind myself that a few extra moments spent on compassionate engagement can make a world of difference.
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5. Strengthening Resilience
Senior care is filled with highs and lows. There are days when residents thrive—joy fills the dining room, the garden is abuzz with activity, and the entire team exudes optimism. And there are days when grief looms large: we lose a beloved resident, a family faces a medical crisis, or staffing challenges test us.
In navigating these emotional ebbs and flows, I learned that resilience is not just endurance—it’s a conscious choice to rise again, to support others through sorrow, and to find moments of hope even in heartbreak.
I’ve seen my team and myself experience tears in staff meetings, yet return the next day with renewed compassion. We learn to honor grief without letting it consume us. And through that balance, I’ve become more courageous—able to hold love and loss side by side, and to keep moving forward with purpose.
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6. Finding Meaning in Service
Perhaps the greatest gift this leadership role has given me is a deeper sense of purpose through service. Every morning when I walk these halls, I’m reminded that we’re not just operating a facility—we’re stewarding the final chapters of someone’s life story.
That sense of responsibility has cultivated gratitude. I’m thankful for colleagues who choose this work. I’m grateful for families who trust us. And I’m humbled by residents who share their wisdom and stories. I came here to lead a team; instead, I found myself profoundly changed by the souls I serve.
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Final Reflections
In the world of senior living, leadership transcends policies, budgets, and schedules. It’s about lifting others up—residents, families, and staff alike—and embracing the vulnerability, empathy, and patience required to do so. Every day, I walk away a bit more humble, a bit more understanding, and a great deal more grateful.
If I could distill all I’ve learned into one lesson, it would be this: true leadership doesn’t just transform an organization; it transforms you. And there is no greater privilege than being shaped into a better person by the very community you dedicate your life to serving.
In the world of senior care, leadership is not defined by titles or organizational charts. It’s defined by the daily decisions we make. Especially the ones rooted in compassion. As an Executive Director of a senior living community, I’ve learned that effective leadership isn’t about overseeing systems or enforcing policies, it’s about serving people. And in this unique environment, where residents, families, and staff often face emotional, personal, and physical challenges, leadership must come from the heart first. Compassion Is the Core of Our Work You cannot lead in assisted living without compassion. It simply doesn’t work. Every day, I’m reminded that the people in our care aren’t just aging... they’re living the later chapters of their lives, and how we support them determines whether those chapters are marked by comfort, dignity, and joy. That responsibility isn’t something I take lightly. Leading with compassion means slowing down to listen to a resident’s story, even when the schedule is tight. It means comforting a team member who’s just lost a resident they’ve bonded with for years. It means showing up with empathy when a family is processing the guilt of moving their loved one out of their home. Servant Leadership in Action My approach is rooted in servant leadership. The belief that my role is not to command, but to support. When I walk through the building, I’m not inspecting; I’m engaging. I’m asking staff how they’re doing, helping a resident find their reading glasses, or checking in with a family member who looked a little overwhelmed during a recent visit. I believe people will rise to the expectations you set but only if they feel seen, safe, and supported. Whether it’s a housekeeper, CNA, dietary aide, or nurse, every single team member plays a role in the resident experience. My job is to ensure they’re equipped not only with the tools to do their jobs but with the emotional resilience and encouragement to do it well. Setting the Tone Every Day Culture starts at the top. If I come in rushed, frustrated, or distant, that energy spreads. If I show up with positivity, patience, and presence, that does too. As leaders, we have to be intentional about the tone we set. And in assisted living, where the work can be physically and emotionally demanding, that tone matters more than most people realize. Compassionate leadership looks like: • Making time for reflection after the loss of a resident. • Celebrating birthdays and milestones (not just for residents, but for staff). • Providing grace when someone is struggling and resources when someone is burned out. • Leading meetings that include both updates and appreciation. Balancing Heart with Accountability Compassion doesn’t mean lack of structure. In fact, true compassionate leadership holds people accountable — not from a place of criticism, but from care. When I have to address performance or redirect behavior, I do so with transparency and kindness. I remind my team that accountability is part of respect; for each other, for our residents, and for the standards we commit to as caregivers. A compassionate leader creates a space where staff feel safe admitting mistakes, asking for help, or even saying, “I’m having a hard day.” Why It Matters So Much At the end of the day, leadership in senior living isn’t just about managing a building, it’s about stewarding a community of people through some of life’s most tender transitions. Families are trusting us with their most vulnerable loved ones. Residents are trusting us to treat them with dignity and humanity. And staff are trusting us to lead in a way that honors the emotional labor of caregiving. That trust must be earned, nurtured, and protected, every day. Final Thoughts To anyone considering a leadership role in senior care, I offer this: Lead with compassion. Let it guide your decisions, shape your conversations, and fuel your commitment to creating a space that feels like home. Because in this field, people will remember how you made them feel far more than what your title was or how many reports you filed. And that, to me, is the true heart of leadership in assisted living.
When most people hear the term care plan, they think of checkboxes, schedules, and clinical tasks. And yes — care plans absolutely provide structure, medical oversight, and safety. But as an Executive Director in a senior living community, I’ve come to believe that a truly effective care plan must do more than meet medical needs. It must honor the whole person. Our residents are not charts. They’re not diagnoses. They are individuals — with life stories, preferences, routines, quirks, and emotional needs. And our responsibility is not just to care for them, but to care about them. The Limits of a Standardized Approach Regulations require that we assess residents and build care plans accordingly. These assessments look at ADLs (Activities of Daily Living), medication schedules, mobility concerns, cognitive status, and safety risks. And that’s important. These pieces are the backbone of physical care. But they are not the heart of it. If we stop there, we miss the opportunity to elevate care from competent to compassionate. We reduce our residents to conditions — instead of honoring them as people who’ve lived full lives, with unique needs, rhythms, and preferences. Starting with the Right Questions When we meet a new resident, we go beyond, “Do you need help getting dressed?” We ask: • What time of day do you usually like to wake up? • Are you more social in the mornings or evenings? • What foods bring you comfort? • How do you like your coffee or tea? • Do you enjoy music? If so, what kind? • Is there a routine or habit you’d like to maintain here? These questions help us see the person. When we know that Mrs. Alvarez loves old jazz or that Mr. Bennett takes pride in shaving himself each morning, that insight shapes how we approach every interaction. Care Is Personal — and So Is Dignity There is enormous dignity in being known. When a caregiver enters a room and says, “Good morning, I brought your favorite cardigan,” or when a dining aide remembers that a resident likes toast slightly burnt — that’s not just service. That’s respect. It tells the resident: “You matter. We see you.” In an environment where people have already given up so much — their homes, their independence, sometimes even their memories — the ability to retain a sense of identity is everything. Team-Wide Collaboration Is Key Personalized care doesn’t happen in isolation. It takes a village. Our caregivers, nurses, activities directors, dining staff, and even maintenance crew all play a role in understanding and supporting residents’ routines and preferences. We share stories and observations during daily huddles. We document changes in behavior that might signal emotional distress, not just physical decline. We celebrate the “small wins” — a resident trying an old hobby again or opening up to someone new. That level of teamwork requires strong communication, trust, and a shared culture of compassion. But when it clicks — you can feel the difference. Personalization Isn’t a Luxury. It’s the Standard. Sometimes, outsiders think of personalized care as a premium service — something extra. I disagree. In our community, it’s the standard. It’s our baseline expectation. Why? Because the residents we serve are at a stage in life where many things feel out of their control. Illness, age, and circumstance have already taken so much. By giving back even a few elements of choice and familiarity, we restore a vital sense of control and comfort. That’s not a luxury — that’s humanity. Families Feel It Too When families see their loved one being treated as an individual — not a task or routine — something shifts. They relax. They trust us. They start to believe that maybe, just maybe, this is the right place after all. And that trust becomes the foundation for strong family partnerships — which only deepens the quality of care. Final Thoughts A personalized care plan is not a document — it’s a philosophy. It’s a commitment to treat each resident not just as someone receiving care, but as someone living in our shared community. As an Executive Director, I hold this philosophy close. I advocate for it in every staff meeting, every new hire orientation, and every care conference. Because I’ve seen the difference it makes — not just in clinical outcomes, but in quality of life. Our job is to care deeply, not just correctly. And when we do, our residents feel it in every interaction, every routine, every day.
